I am not a hopeless romantic. My husband and I have been together since we were teens and, even at our young ages of 24 and 25, have been married almost 7 years now. I was raised in a religious environment, but do not believe there is only one person in this world for every individual. I don’t believe in love at first sight because I feel true love is built over time. I don’t believe in happily ever after because no one’s life is a fairytale. I don’t believe there are 3, 5, or 7 steps to check off to make sure your partner is “the one.”
I do believe in soulmates
Ah yes. The one word everyone likes to throw around when they feel butterflies after a few dates.
My definition of soulmate is someone who is well suited to take place as your other half. Now you have to be careful with this. Just because you get along surprisingly well with someone doesn’t mean it’s meant to be. Let’s go over some points to help us understand more about relationships, love, and what it takes to hold out to forever.
One of the biggest lies I have ever heard on the topic of relationships is this…
“You know you have found the one when love is easy.”
I can now think back on this statement and laugh. Let’s all take a moment to laugh together at this one. This is so far from the truth…I can’t even explain how far it is. Love is not easy. I repeat. Love IS NOT EASY. Guys, it can be so hard. The level of trust, effort, and compromise that goes into making a relationship work is hard. It’s hard to give your heart to someone and trust that they won’t break it. It’s hard to expose yourself to someone and believe that they won’t judge. It’s hard to invest days, weeks, sometimes months into issues and trust that everything will turn out in the end. And it’s extremely hard to compromise when we want everything our way.
The one thing I can say about relationships, about how to know all this work WILL be worth it in the end is this…
You know you have found your soulmate when you both are equally devoted to your relationship.
It’s that simple guys. Yes, love can conquer all. Yes, you need to trust each other completely. Yes, you need to be able to laugh together. Yes, you need to enjoy each others company. Yes, you need to be both friends AND lovers. But the most important thing in a relationship is for both of you to invest 100% to make it work.
My husband and I look back on our relationship today, on everything we have been through, every trial we have faced, and wonder how the hell we survived it all. Honestly, the best answer I can come up with is determination and devotion. We both have experienced moments where our trust was shaken, where uncertainty rattled over our minds, and unhappiness took over our hearts. I can honestly say guys that there was never a moment in our marriage where either of us were not devoted 100% to making it work.
There were times in the beginning when we fought for our marriage just to prove everyone else wrong. But guess what? We were devoted 100% to doing so. There were times when we felt we were missing out on life. That we married too young. That the grass would be greener if we cut ties and ventured out on our own. During these times, I can’t say that it was love that pushed us further. I can’t say that it was easy to climb the hurdles and find comfort in each other. What I can say is that during each trial, we were determined to do everything in our power to stay together and fight those outside feelings.
The best advice I can give someone in a relationship or seeking one out is to find someone who is willing to fight through every tough time that comes your way. Find someone who wants to make your relationship works so badly that they are willing endure the pain and discomfort that comes, because believe me, it will come. Please do not settle for what you think is “the best you can get.” If your relationship is in a bad place and you find yourself fighting alone, get out now. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to hold hands with someone who sees that you are worth the fight and who won’t let go until the waves have passed.
Not everyone is going to agree with my viewpoint here and some of you may be thinking that I am too young and inexperienced to deserve an opinion. That is totally fine. My goal is to encourage everyone to hold on tight and weather the storm together or to cut ties now and find someone who is willing to fight alongside them. Don’t waste time and effort on anyone who isn’t doing the same for you.